When I first started struggling with my anxiety disorder more than a decade ago, I felt lost. I didn’t understand what was happening to me, let alone how to explain it to others. The worst part? Many people around me didn’t understand either. I’d hear comments like, “Just calm down,” or “Why are you anxious?” words that, while well-meaning, only made me feel more isolated. But there were moments when someone said just the right thing, a few simple words that didn’t fix the anxiety but helped.
Over the years, I’ve learned that the right words don’t need to be complicated, they just need to show empathy, patience, and understanding. Simple phrases like, “I’m here for you,” or “It’s okay to feel this way,” have a quiet power. They don’t try to fix the anxiety or make it go away, but they offer calm in the middle of the storm. Supportive statements remind someone they’re not alone and the following words are what left a lasting impression on me over the decades.
“If you’re feeling anxious, I’m here for you.”
From my experience, hearing someone say this when I’m anxious can be really helpful. It doesn’t take the anxiety away, but it makes things easier to handle. When people don’t understand my anxiety, I feel like I have to hide it, which makes everything worse. I’ve walked away from situations without saying why or acted in ways that made me feel embarrassed later. But when I know someone in the group has my back, it helps a lot. Even if the anxiety doesn’t go away, knowing I’m not alone makes it less overwhelming.
I know this works because it shows you care and you’re there to help without trying to fix the anxiety or brush it off. It’s simple, but it makes a big difference. Saying something like this shows the person they don’t have to face it alone, which can help stop things from getting worse. It’s a small way to give comfort, and sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed.
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“I believe in your ability to handle this,” or “I know you have the strength to face it.”
Hearing someone say this has made a big difference for me in the past. Anxiety can make you doubt yourself, but when someone tells you they believe in your ability to handle it, it gives you a small jolt of confidence. It doesn’t stop the anxiety, but it shifts your mindset, even just a little. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, you think, “I can do this.” When someone who knows you have anxiety says this, it’s even more powerful. It feels like they’re backing you, not judging you. They aren’t telling you to ignore your anxiety, they’re saying they see your strength despite it.
I’ve even told myself something similar in anxious moments, and it’s helped because I know I’ve handled things before. But hearing it from someone else is different. This is about someone standing with you in the moment, reminding you that you’re capable. For me, it’s like a pep talk that works for people with anxiety disorders. It doesn’t make the anxiety disappear, but it pushes back against the doubt and fear, giving you just enough of a spark to get moving.
“I appreciate you opening up to me about your anxiety.”
For me, the times when this statement has meant the most weren’t in therapy sessions or with people I expected to understand, it was in unexpected moments with unexpected people.
One time, I was in an antique shop, about to buy a painting of a child getting his hair cut in a kitchen (I have a thing for oddities). Normally, I’d haggle a bit, but I was hit with a wave of anxiety that made me stressed and panicky. The antique dealer noticed and started a conversation, sharing that he, too, had struggled with anxiety. At the end of our chat, he told me he appreciated me opening up to him about it. That one line stuck with me. It made me feel understood in a moment when I’d expected judgment or awkwardness. I still paid over the odds for the painting, but without that exchange, I’d have avoided the shop for the rest of my life.
The power of saying the right thing to someone struggling with anxiety can’t be overstated. When someone says they appreciate you sharing your anxiety, it creates a safe space for future conversations. It’s an acknowledgment that your vulnerability matters to them, and it builds trust. If someone opens up to you about their anxiety, consider saying this, it’s a small gesture that could leave a lasting impact on your relationship.
“We can work through this together if you’d like my support.”
In moments of high anxiety, an offer of support can make all the difference. Even though I might believe I’m hiding the panic beneath the surface, it’s often obvious to others. I’ve felt this many times when visiting my mother, who has dementia and lives in a care home. For some reason, these visits often trigger my anxiety, though I can’t pinpoint why. Luckily, my sister understands. She’s battled anxiety herself and knows how overwhelming it can feel. In those moments, she’ll say, “We’ll get through it together.” Those words don’t make the anxiety go away, but they change everything. Knowing she’s willing to be there for me, sometimes even going with me. means I don’t have to face those difficult visits alone.
If you know someone struggling with anxiety, this simple statement can be transformative. It’s not just about offering help, it’s about showing that you’re truly willing to stand by them. Anxiety often pushes people toward isolation, but hearing these words can turn what feels impossible into something manageable.
“There’s more to you than your anxiety.”
I used to think words like this wouldn’t make a difference. Before I started dealing with anxiety, I’d have dismissed them as empty platitudes, the kind of thing you’d find in a Hallmark card. I’m not someone who likes having feelings validated or hearing fluffy reassurances. Yet, when my wife said this to me at a time when anxiety was hitting me hardest, it completely broke me. I cried like a baby. There was no judgment in her words, no attempt to fix me or offer a solution. It wasn’t hollow or overly sweet, it was raw and real, a punch to the heart that I needed. And somehow, it kept me going.
When anxiety has you in its grip, it’s hard to see anything beyond it. You feel like it defines you, like it’s all anyone sees. But hearing someone remind you that there’s so much more to you can change everything. Especially when you’re at your lowest, those words can become an anchor, something you hold on to long after the moment has passed. I still think back to when my wife said this to me, and it continues to mean as much now as it did then. If you’re supporting someone with anxiety, this is one of the most powerful things you can say.
“I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.”
When anxiety hits, the last thing you want is pressure. For me, putting things on a clock or feeling like I have to explain myself right away only makes things worse. That’s why a statement like this, with its open-ended nature, is so powerful. The words “whenever you need to” remove any sense of urgency or expectation. They give the person struggling with anxiety the freedom to talk when they’re ready, not when someone else thinks they should be. It’s a simple way of showing you care without adding to the burden they’re already carrying.
This approach is helpful because high-anxiety moments are rarely the best time to talk. I know from experience that when I’ve tried to explain myself in the middle of a panic, I’ve said things that made no sense, weren’t accurate, or, worse, came out completely wrong. I’ve even offended the person trying to help because my anxiety warped what I was trying to say. By letting the person know they can talk when they’re ready, you don’t add to the pressure in that moment.
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
Anxiety often comes with a sense of guilt or shame, as though feeling this way means you are doing something wrong. But hearing someone say, “It’s okay to feel this way,” can change a mood quite quickly. I once wrote an article about whether anxiety disorder is genetic, and the research showed that up to 40% of it can be linked to genetics, with the rest tied to environmental factors like childhood experiences. Knowing that it’s clear that anxiety isn’t a personal failing, it’s part of who you are, shaped by things beyond your control. When someone acknowledges that with a simple statement like this, it leaves you wanting to say thank you.
The reason this phrase is so powerful is because it’s not the response you usually get. Too often, people say things that make anxiety worse or leave you wanting to curl up in a ball. But “It’s okay to feel this way” is different. It’s one of the most understanding things someone can say at the moment, and it doesn’t require any follow-up. It’s a simple yet deeply validating acknowledgment, and sometimes, that’s all you need to hear.
Related: Understanding the Genetic Link – Is Anxiety Disorder Passed Down in Families?
What not to say: “Just calm down” or “Relax”
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to “just calm down” when I first started dealing with anxiety nearly two decades ago, I’d have about $200. I know, it’s an underwhelming amount, but it does show that this comment has happened frequently in my life. And trust me, anyone who suffers from anxiety already knows they need to calm down or relax. The problem is, at that moment, it feels impossible. Whatever is causing the anxiety becomes all-consuming, taking over your thoughts and emotions. Being told to calm down only highlights what you can’t do, making things worse instead of better.
The intention might be good, but saying this shows a lack of understanding about how anxiety works. It can come across as dismissive. Anxiety isn’t something you can switch off with willpower or a deep breath. Instead of helping, these phrases can amplify the frustration and make the anxiety even more out of control. If you want to support someone with anxiety, avoid these statements entirely, they do more harm than good.
What not to say: “Stop worrying about it” or “You’re overreacting”
Second only to “calm down” on the list of unhelpful things people have said to me over the years is “stop worrying about it.” It’s baffling because it’s asking you to stop doing the very thing that’s currently consuming all of your mental energy. Trust me, if I could stop worrying, I would. It’s not supportive, it’s not constructive, and it certainly doesn’t help to hear it in the middle of an anxiety attack. And whatever you do, don’t say, “You’re overreacting.” On the occasions I’ve heard that, it’s upped my anxiety into hyperdrive and left me spiraling.
The truth is, when someone is stuck in anxiety, they often know they aren’t being completely rational, just not in the moment. That clarity only comes later, once the storm has passed. Saying things like “stop worrying” or “you’re overreacting” while the person is in the middle of an attack isn’t just unhelpful, it can be catastrophic. It makes the person feel invalidated and can lead to them avoiding you altogether, just in case you say it again.
What not to say: “Why are you anxious?”
Out of all the things people have said to me, “Why are you anxious?” is probably my least favorite. It’s not because it’s asked maliciously, but because it’s such a hard question to answer when you’re in the middle of an anxiety spiral. For me, it’s often not about the thing I’m anxious about, it’s about the overwhelming control that thing has over my thoughts.
What may surprise you is that it could be something completely mundane. I remember in my late 20s, I had a group of good friends I’d known since I was 11. We’d have these periodic get-togethers, but over time, the build-up of anxiety before meeting them became unbearable. Sometimes it would stop me from going. Eventually, to avoid this anxiety, I stopped seeing them altogether. It wasn’t their fault, I was too scared to explain what was going on in my head, and the thought of them asking “Why?” terrified me.
The problem with asking someone “Why are you anxious?” is that it puts pressure on them to explain something that might not make logical sense. Anxiety isn’t always tied to a clear cause, and even if it is, the fear of follow-up questions like “You shouldn’t be anxious about that” makes it even harder to answer. Instead of providing relief, it leaves the person feeling misunderstood and even more isolated. If you’re trying to help, don’t ask why. Focus on supporting them in the moment instead of seeking explanations.
What not to say: “Everyone feels anxious at some point”
This might seem like a fair comment, but it’s true, everyone does feel anxious at some point. But at the moment, it’s not helpful. Anxiety disorders aren’t the same as everyday nerves or stress, and when anxiety hits, it can feel completely uncontrollable. Being told this when you’re struggling can make you feel dismissed, as though your experience isn’t valid or worth acknowledging.
I’ll admit, I’ve said this to people too. It’s such an easy reply when someone says they’re anxious, and in those moments, I haven’t always thought about what they might be going through. I’ve assumed their anxiety is like my own everyday worries, and that’s selfish of me. I need to do better at listening because when people have said this to me, it’s made me feel worse about myself. It’s a reminder that our words matter, and instead of brushing off someone’s anxiety with a blanket statement, we should focus on truly hearing them and offering support.
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What not to say: “Stop ruining it for everyone else”
I’ve had this said to me, and I’ll be the first to admit that in that moment, they were probably right, I likely was ruining things for everyone else. But it wasn’t deliberate. On this particular occasion, I was mid-panic, unable to be around people, and then came the comments: I was ruining the gathering and making a spectacle of myself by overreacting to what they thought was nothing. Those words stayed with me. To this day, they’re still in my head, and my relationship with those people has never been the same.
Social situations can be a minefield for someone with anxiety. Just getting to the venue can feel like a Herculean effort, and once there, it’s unpredictable. Sometimes my initial anxiety will settle, leaving me to manage smaller, lingering worries. Other times, it spirals into something worse. It’s a gamble every time, and I’ll admit, I could have done more to communicate my struggles back then. But if you care about someone with anxiety, please never say they’re ruining it for others. Comments like that can cause a long-term spiral, making them avoid social settings altogether. Social connections are crucial for a fulfilling life, and being made to feel like a burden may push that person into isolation.
