Anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. At its worst, it felt like an invisible weight dragging me down, a weight no one could see. I’ve battled through social anxiety, panic attacks, and generalized anxiety disorder, and along the way, I’ve learned how vital it is to have a support network that understands and cares.
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults or 18.1% of the population annually. In the past year alone, 19.1% of adults experienced an anxiety disorder, with women being affected at higher rates (23.4%) than men (14.3%). These numbers reveal how widespread anxiety is, but they don’t capture the deeply personal and isolating nature of the experience.
Support makes all the difference. This article provides tips for supporting someone with an anxiety disorder, informed by my journey and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
1. Listen and validate their feelings
When my anxiety first began, the most hurtful words came from those who didn’t understand. Phrases like “Why are you anxious?” or “Just calm down” weren’t meant to harm, but they left me feeling isolated and misunderstood. These words dismissed the very real struggle I was facing and made me feel even more alone.
What helped the most was when someone simply listened and validated my experience. Hearing “I’m here for you” or “It’s okay to feel this way” made all the difference. It didn’t fix the anxiety, but it made me feel supported and less ashamed of what I was going through.
The power of listening isn’t in offering solutions but in showing that you care. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with the anxiety; it means acknowledging its impact and helping the person feel seen. This small shift can create a safe space for open, honest conversations
Related: The Best and Worst Things to Say to Someone with an Anxiety Disorder
2. Educate yourself about anxiety disorders
I didn’t always understand the depth of anxiety disorders. For years, I thought anxiety was just an occasional feeling of stress. It wasn’t until my own struggles intensified that I realized how much misinformation and stigma surrounded it. Just knowing simple facts like how generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) affects 6.8 million adults or 3.1% of the U.S. population, has helped me put the condition into perspective.
One of the most eye-opening discoveries was learning how anxiety can run in families. This hit home when I saw patterns across generations in my own family. I also came to understand how factors like aging can change anxiety, as I’ve always feared anxiety rearing its ugly head again in the future.
When those supporting someone with anxiety understand the facts, offering help becomes easier. Knowing that anxiety disorders can qualify as disabilities highlights the importance of empathy and informed care. Education has the power to change frustration into empathy, and that’s vital if supporting someone with an anxiety disorder.
3. Encourage professional help
My social anxiety, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder followed me for 10-15 years. At the time, I convinced myself I could manage it on my own. But knowing what I do now, I see how much faster my journey might have been if I’d worked with professional help.
The difference is clear: professional help often shortens the timeline for managing anxiety. Studies show that only 36.9% of those with anxiety disorders receive treatment, and I was part of that majority for far too long. People with anxiety disorders are also 6 times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric conditions compared to those without anxiety. This highlights the importance of addressing anxiety proactively rather than waiting for it to escalate.
I now understand the value of someone in your support network encouraging professional help. My loved ones did try, but I was stubborn and hesitant. If you’re supporting someone with anxiety, offer to help them find a therapist or even accompany them to appointments. And if they say no, don’t stop suggesting it over time.
4. Practice patience
I was lucky, no one ever pressured me to “just get over it.” My anxiety impacted my life in a big way for a long time, but the people closest to me showed remarkable patience. This made all the difference in how I coped and how I eventually began to recover.
My wife’s patience stands out most of all. I saw the frustration and annoyance on her face during my worst moments of panic. But those feelings never lasted. She always understood what I was going through and stayed by my side, even when it wasn’t easy. That patience is one of the reasons we’ve been able to stay together for 25 years.
Patience is one of the most important traits someone can have when supporting someone with an anxiety disorder. Recovery takes time, and pressure to “move on” or “snap out of it” only adds to the struggle. Consistent and patient support drives progress
5. Help identify triggers
Fairly early on, I noticed certain triggers that worsened my anxiety. Social scenarios were a big one, sometimes even being with friends could spark issues. Interactions like dealing with a salesperson in a shop were particularly overwhelming. The more I recognized these patterns, the more I started avoiding them.
It wasn’t until much later, with help from others, that I began to manage these triggers more effectively. Social encounters remained difficult, but small strategies made a big difference. For example, I’d keep moving in a crowded space rather than standing still. These small adjustments allowed me to offset anxiety over time.
Helping someone identify their triggers is vital. It can help them live a relatively normal life or, at the very least, begin to manage their anxiety better. While professional help would have undoubtedly provided faster solutions, even small steps in recognizing and addressing triggers can make a difference.
6. Don’t let avoidance behaviors set in
For years, I avoided situations that triggered my anxiety, thinking it would help me avoid panic attacks. I stopped seeing friends, distanced myself from certain family members, and avoided social gatherings altogether. At the time, I thought I was protecting myself, but looking back, I see how much worse it made things.
Avoidance doesn’t solve anxiety, it feeds it. By cutting myself off, I prolonged the fear and made it harder to re-engage later. Worse, avoiding people led to isolation, which brought on feelings of depression. It’s a snowball effect, and once someone shuts off completely, it becomes incredibly difficult to pull them back out.
If you’re supporting someone with anxiety, it’s crucial to gently encourage them to face their fears gradually. Professional help is the best solution, but even small steps, like reintroducing low-pressure social activities, can help. Allowing them to avoid everything might feel supportive in the short term, but it risks trapping them in a cycle that only worsens over time.
7. Take care of yourself
I’ve seen firsthand what happens when someone supporting a person with an anxiety disorder burns out. The person with anxiety often relies heavily on their support network, and when that link is lost, it can feel like falling into an abyss. For someone already struggling, losing their lifeline can create a spiral.
It’s a sobering thought, your presence and support might be the reason they’re holding on. But to provide that kind of care, you need to look after yourself too. Neglecting your own mental and physical health not only harms you, but it can also leave the person you’re supporting without the help they desperately need.
Maintaining your happiness and well-being isn’t selfish, it’s essential. Take breaks, seek your own support, and make time for activities that recharge you.
